Having already secured cultural infamy through such acts as befriending lepers, demanding a prostitute wash his feet (without even paying for her services), and staging elaborate public exorcisms, Jesus of Nazareth has caused further controversy this week by comparing himself to the much-loved singer Chris Brown.
Following an altercation with Satan over a parking space in West Hollywood, Jesus posted a picture of the R&B superstar on the internet with the rambling caption:
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Haters be haters, you feel me?”
Satan tweeted that the incident may have a detrimental effect on his performance at this month’s Grammys.
This is not the first time Jesus has divulged his God complex. He has previously likened himself to Bono (NME Godlike Genius Award winner 2001), Noel Gallagher (NME Godlike Genius Award 2012), John Lennon (NME Ultimate Musical Icon 2012), and Jonah son of Amittai (NME Best Dressed Solo Artist c. 760 BC).
To the bafflement of many, Christ’s continued indiscretions have failed to significantly diminish his popularity and he maintains a large following. The bulk of his support is said to come from pre-pubescent and teenage girls, undereducated people from poorer backgrounds, the mentally ill, and certain prominent members of the Afro-American community.
Jesus is currently working on his next studio parable, the follow-up to last year’s The Rich Fool.